


Hollowed Moon

by Novantinuum (ChromaticDreams)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Additional Warnings in Author's Notes as needed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon divergent from the end of Lars of the Stars, Drabble Collection, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-10-14 07:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20597321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromaticDreams/pseuds/Novantinuum
Summary: [DISCONTINUED]Stevonnie doesn't crash the Star Skipper onto that jungle moon. Instead, they crash on a craggy fragment of rock suspended thousands of miles away from its associated colony, long forgotten.On that lonely hunk of rock is a domed garden.And standing in that garden, just as lifeless seeming as the rest of it, is a pink Gem.





	1. Impact

**Author's Note:**

> Spinel will come into this in the third chapter.  
These are just short drabble-y things (in this case drabble means: well under 1K, didn’t spend ten hours agonizing over it) I wrote in a few minutes' time, hit with a burst of movie inspiration. I already know where this will end, and it will be a solid stopping point once I reach it. I don't have an exact estimate on how many drabbles that'll take, but I've written three, so far! Those will be posted over the next few days. Hope you enjoy! :D

The force of the impact nearly vibrates through their bones as the Star Skipper hits the surface, throwing them against the cockpit’s control panel at such speed that they barely have enough time to put up a bubble. Thankfully, ‘enough’ is all the time they need. In but a millisecond the world tints pink. Following momentum, their neck snaps forward, causing their head to smash against the solid barrier. Stevonnie yelps, vision going temporarily woozy. It takes a while for them to fully recover, with the wrecked remains of the ship spinning like a top from their perspective as they slowly lift a quivering hand to their forehead to check for wounds. They groan, nearly every square inch of their body aching something terrible, but there’s nothing. No blood, no easily distinguishable breaks, nada. Lucky them! Score, Stevonnie one, busted, broken spaceship zip.

_It must be your healing powers keeping us in one piece, ‘cause that was one really violent crash_.

_Well, also my bubble _ _is__pretty strong!_

“Hah, well... we’re lucky even a bubble got me outta this scrape,” they murmur out loud, and let out a shaky breath as they attempt to ground themself. Taking a cursory glance around, they notice that the cockpit’s window has shattered, leaving the ship open to the vacuum of space. At least, they’re assuming it is. Whatever hunk of rock it is they’ve crashed on, it doesn’t appear to have an atmosphere. “Oh boy, guess I gotta keep this thing up for a while,” they say with a nervous laugh. They press their cheek against the bubble’s rim, peering at the cracked display screen. “Now, I wonder if any of this tech is salvageable...”

Stevonnie shifts in the seat. Without any iota of warning the ship’s engines explode, launching their protective bubble hundreds of feet closer to the very stars they’re lost amongst.

Oh, what a day it’s been.


	2. Lost

This shard of planetoid isn’t particularly large, but it has just enough mass that its gravity pulls Stevonnie’s wildly spinning bubble back to the surface. Their heart pounds as the bubble collides hard upon the craggy surface, bouncing a few times before finally coming to a rest. They gasp for breath, pulling themself to their knees.

“Aughh, my _everything_ hurts.”

Slowly but surely they rise to their feet, their knees still shaking. All around them, the remains of the Star Skipper (may she rest in pieces) are now barely distinguishable, nothing left but melted twists of scrap metal. Even if there was any possibility of fixing up the communication array earlier, it’s a moot point by now. 

_Steven, how are we gonna-?!_

“Oh, no, no no no no!” they cry out, gripping at their hair. “Oh, this is bad. This is so, so bad. How is Lars gonna be able to find us now?”

They adjust the straps of the backpack around their shoulders and begin pacing as they continue to talk to themself, walking back and forth across the dust and rock within the bubble like a hamster in a ball.

“Okay, Stevonnie, calm down,” they say, hugging their arms around their chest. “We’re fine. I’m fine! Let’s just work this out bit by bit. So. We’re stuck on some weird asteroid, or something. We have no ship. No means of communication. We’re safe in this bubble... for now. But... I honestly don’t know how long I can keep this up. I don’t usually use it longer than a few minutes at a time.”

_What about when we first met?_

“That’s _different, _though,” they stress, plopping down to sit crisscrossed. “That time he didn’t summon it voluntarily. And that time, we weren’t stuck in the vacuum of space! Although... Okay. Okay, we were stuck under the ocean, fair point. And I guess there’s that time Steven was marooned with Eyeball. But still. It’s only been a few minutes and I’m already... so... so tired.”

Stevonnie’s breathing grows shallower, each puff of air coming in staccato gasps in their exhaustion. They grit their teeth, hand clenching against the rose quartz gem at their midsection. Over time they’ve come to realize that maintaining any one of Steven’s shields or abilities for a long period of time is super taxing to them, more so than it is for the young half-Gem himself. Makes one wonder if that’s because they’re a 75% human hybrid, because of the nature of being a fusion, or because they simply haven’t trained enough together.

They moan, frustrated at this whole dumb scenario, desperately wondering if there’s anything they could’ve done differently to avoid it all together. Lars and his friends will find them soon once they follow their trail and do a flyby, hopefully, but there’s still so many variables to consider here. They quickly hop back onto their feet inside the bubble.

Stevonnie squints, for a moment thinking they can see dimmed starlight glinting off of a domed surface in the far distance. Perhaps there’s some Gem technology hidden away here that could prove useful. For now, all they can do is explore and wait.


	3. Garden

The dome encapsulates a gigantic garden. At least, what they can only guess was once a garden. All the plants have long since shriveled up into husks of their former glory, much like the hollowed-out moon hanging high above. There’s a single service doorway on the dome’s exterior, a feature Stevonnie is exceedingly lucky to have found before finally fading to exhaustion with their bubbling ability. Now freely wandering around the dome's interior, they approach a massive platform towards its center. Eyes glittering, they brush their hand against some eroded etchings in the old stone. They’re sure it used to be quite a sight to behold in its heyday, this whole complex. Such a shame time had to carry this place to eternal rest. What used to go on here, they wonder? What kinds of Gems would use this space? Did they all leave when the colony above was... fully drained of its resources?

Their nose crinkles just thinking about it.

_Hey, _they muse suddenly._ Up at the top... I think that’s a warp pad._

_Are you sure?_

_Pretty positive._

“Couldn’t hurt to look,” they mutter softly, climbing up the stairs. Their legs are still burning from the long walk they set upon to reach the dome in the first place.

When they reach the top they kneel in front of the warp, and place a palm flat upon it. They close their eyes, focusing their mind on the tangled web of warp stream signatures old users have left behind, almost like a fossilized travel record. Except it’s energy based. Well, kinda. They’re sure it’s far more complicated than that, but to be fair Steven wasn’t paying full attention to Pearl the day she was teaching him how to do this. _His loss,_ Stevonnie thinks with a snort. _They_ think all this Gem history stuff is pretty fascinating.

The web comes into focus in their mind’s eye, one particularly bright thread stretching further across the stars than any warp pad they’ve ever seen before can.

“Galaxy warp,” they breathe in giddy realization. “This is an actual, working galaxy warp! But- no!” they cry, grinding their hands into fists. “That means we can’t use it, because Earth doesn’t have an operationa—“

“Is that finally you??” a high pitched voice cries in joy from the distance.

They whirl around in a flash, scanning the interior of the (perhaps not so?) extinct garden. The complex is massive, but it’s not long before they locate the origin of this new voice, trapped amongst the browned and hardened brambles.

Standing midway between the raised galaxy warp platform and the stagnant fountain at the center of the dome is a short pink Gem.

From this distance, they’d have to guess she’s maybe half their height, perhaps a little taller. Her gemstone is on her chest, a heart shaped type they don’t recognize. The Gem’s hair is pulled up into messy little buns, twisted to look like hearts themselves. She stands with her arms open wide, baggy eyes alight with anticipation as she waits for their response.

Mouth agape, Stevonnie skitters down the steps of the platform as fast as they can. Who is this Gem? Why is she alone in a withered garden, in the middle of deep space? And why are her feet literally bound by roots?? How long has she been standing here?

“Oh! Oh, hello! I, uh- I don’t think I’m who you’re looking for, sorry,” they say with an apologetic smile. “I’m Stevonnie. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing here all on your own?”

“I’m playing a game,” the small Gem replies simply, clasping her gloved hands together.

“A... game?”

“With my best friend, yes!” she enthuses. “She’ll come back any day now, I can just feel it.”

Her voice sounds chipper enough, but perhaps as a result of Connie’s lonely childhood and the walls a person learns to erect in those situations, Stevonnie can intimately sense the cracks in her facade. They may not yet understand the full scoop, but they can tell she's desperately trying to convince herself of her own cover story.

What on Earth happened to this Gem, here in this forgotten garden?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for all of your kind comments, I see all of them and am super appreciative! Apologies if I don’t respond to many of them with this story- with posting new chapters every day and being very busy otherwise, I don’t always have the spoons to make responses to everybody. :(


	4. New Gem

This new Gem isn’t very talkative, when all is said and done. Besides that first outburst she’s only spoken up when spoken _to,_ as if she’s so wholly focused on her current task— so locked in— that she simply doesn’t possess the mental fortitude to voluntarily do anything else. Just thinking about the possibility makes Stevonnie’s heart fill to the brim with sorrow. And to think this is exactly the kind of dark reality the Crystal Gems fought to rescue Gemkind from in the first place!

So far, though, there’s only three things they know for certain about her:

1\. Her name is Spinel.

2\. She’s been standing here for a good while. She specifically dodged the question when asked how long.

3\. She’s waiting for her best friend. No, she doesn’t want to unwind the vines from around her feet and sit down with them. If she sits she loses the game.

Stevonnie doesn’t know who this supposed ‘best friend’ is yet, but they don’t sound like a very great person if they’ve left this poor Gem to wait alone in the middle of nowhere under the guise of some vapid game.

_I’m gonna help her,_ they wholeheartedly resolve, sitting on the broken cobblestone— their backpack hugged tight to their chest— and waiting for their own friend right alongside this new acquaintance. _I don’t know how yet, but I’m gonna find a way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Stevonnie's noticed the garden communicator within the span of this chapter and the last one, then they've also noticed that it's specifically a diamond line. (At least, that's what I HC in this scenario.) Much like the galaxy warp, its function is so specific that it unfortunately has no use to them.


	5. Waiting

“Y’know, there’s something we have in common,” Stevonnie says after an extended stretch of mildly awkward silence.

Spinel’s weary eyes snap open wide, and for a moment the image of her becomes almost doll-like, the lines of stress cutting across her face receding.

“Y- you think so?”

“Yeah.” They tear open a protein bar they retrieved from their pack, and bite into it. Mouth full, they continue. “I’m waiting for a friend, too.”

A myriad of emotions flicker over her features in such a short span of time that they have trouble identifying any single one of them with confidence. There’s shades of quiet disappointment there, they think, and maybe even anguish...?

“Oh,” she says simply, folding her hands one over the other as seems customary for her. She stares out at the unmoving stars, gazing fervently into the inky darkness as if she sees something else besides distant stars hung there.

Stevonnie purses their lips. Hmm. _Could_ there be something out there? This Gem’s certainly stood here for a while, eyes adjusting to the dim light. And surely there’s a ton they don’t know about the limitless cosmos anyways. With a wry smile, they shake their head. _Calm down, nerd. Your Connie is showing. _They take another bite of the protein bar, feeling it slide smoothly down their esophagus and into their stomach. Hopefully now it’ll stop churning so much.

“You can wait for your friend with me,” Spinel says then, not peeling her eyes away from the endless sky. “If you... want to be with me, that is.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.” Then with a snicker: “‘Course, knowing Lars and his navigating skills I might have to wait a while.”

The soft curve of the smile arcing across her face looks just a bit too perfect to seem real. “Well, good thing ya’ don’t have to worry about _me_ goin’ anywhere!”


	6. Perfect Cut

If there’s one thing Stevonnie knows to be certain in any case, it’s that waiting together in extended periods of silence is still far better than waiting alone.

They can already sense the psychological scarring Spinel’s suffered from her time spent in this suffocating isolation. She still hasn’t entrusted them with the knowledge of _how long,_ but context clues have led them to imagine that this vigil isn’t a recent development. For one, the hardened vines shackling her feet to the cobbles are a rather telling sign, overtaking her as if she’s but another unmoving, unfeeling feature of this ancient landscape. Those vines may as well be a warden of her own making, since the pink Gem refuses to break free from them, and be believed— it’s not for lack of trying on their part. The garden’s state of disarray is the other big clue. All the crumbling pillars, the cracked stone pavers... It reminds them of the ruins where they practice their sword technique with Pearl. And those are over five thousand or so years old, they think?

More to the point, a lot of Spinel’s words and actions simply paint a picture of someone who’s waited in solitude far longer than any individual ever should. She smiles often, but it never reaches her eyes. Her general lack of prolonged conversation thus far reads less as rudeness, and more as genuine confusion as to how to best interact with another intelligent being. She’s unpracticed. Rusty. _Whoever this person is she’s playing this game with, they better damn well be worth it,_ they think, hugging their knees to their chest as they sit under the inattentive watch of the stars. Sure, Stevonnie gets that time passes differently for Gems, that the sheer length of their lifespans sometimes makes a decade seem like a blink of an eye with nothing short-term to act as an anchor, but making someone wait in place for this long while framing it as a game to be won just seems... needlessly cruel.

“So, who’s this friend you’re waiting for, anyways?” they ask then, curious despite themself.

Spinel sighs dreamily, the corners of her mouth curving up with a gentle grace. It’s the closest she’s come to genuine happiness the whole time they’ve been marooned here with her.

“Only the most lustrous of Homeworld’s matriarchs,” she replies in a slight sing-song tone, eyes glinting wistfully. “Pink.”

Stevonnie almost unfuses right then and there.

Their mind— which, over the hours had settled into a primarily singular voice— fills to the brim with a cacophony of clashing input, tinted with shades of panic and confusion and reassurance that could only stem from their component halves. It’s jarring enough that it’s honestly a miracle they’re able to pull themself back together at all. It’d be radically different if they were back at home. Back in Beach City, safe on the beach, surrounded by people they know and love, a dissonance like this would probably cause them to split apart instantly. Contrary to what one may think it’s not a sign of weakness as a fusion, not at all. It’s merely a natural reaction to a mind becoming disparate and divided. Any fusion can experience this after long enough. Alexandrite, Opal, even Garnet.

It’s only Steven and Connie’s desperation to remain as close to each other in the wake of all this unfamiliarity that allows them to retain an anchor on their very existence, clutching to the softly thrumming threads of hard light that are stitching them together. They throw their hands against the sides of their head to ground themself, temples pounding as they gawk at her with mouth agape, eyes bugging out.

“Wait- Pink _Diamond?”_

”The very one!” the heart-shaped Gem chimes, swaying back and forth, obviously not noticing the sweat beading on their forehead as they desperately try to keep themself together in the shock of this revelation. “I was made specially for her, a perfectly cut Spinel companion for a perfectly cut diamond!”

”O-oh,” they stammer. “That’s... cool.”

Unable to retain eye contact with her any longer in this moment, Stevonnie turns away with a low, shaky breath. Their hands clutch at the bottom hemline of their shorts. Caught in the throes of internal turmoil, they begin to inwardly converse with themself.

_Oh boy, oh boy, oh geeze, this isn’t good,_ one voice frets, flashing back to the way Eyeball treated him when he revealed who his mother was…

_Hey, hey, it’s fine,_ says the other, _try to calm down, it’s— _

_But she was waiting for Pink Diamond! She’s waiting for Pink, and I- my mom shattered her, an’ so if my mom shattered her then it’s my fault she’s here waiting in the first place, for thousands of years, and even if Pink was supposed to be bad, that means she’ll never come back for Spinel, and Mom did that to her, and— _

_Listen to me. It’s gonna be okay! I promise you it’ll be okay. _

_B-but—! _

_No. Steven. Deep breath. We’re gonna figure this out. _

Stevonnie inhales slowly through their nose, letting the stale garden air fill their lungs completely. They count to themself— one, two, three, four, five— and then exhale, letting the imbalance plaguing them fade away.

_I’ll find some way to figure this mess out,_ they think in resolution, biting at the inside of their lip. _As Rose’s legacy, it’s my duty to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie’s using that meditation technique Garnet taught them. :D
> 
> MUCH thanks for the incredible outpouring of support I’ve gotten with this, wow! Know that I see all of your kudos, bookmarks, and comments, and I am super appreciative. Y’all are awesome! Wishing you a lovely day/evening! <3


	7. Old Games

“It’s... been a long time since I’ve gotten to listen to someone else talk,” Spinel says out of the blue.

Stevonnie’s fidgety hands still, their attention pulling away from the fisherman’s knot they’re tying over and over again (knot, unravel, rise and repeat) with a short length of frayed rope they found in Connie’s bag. Their brow shoots up. Did... did they really hear what they think they heard? Did Spinel just speak on her own without first being prompted? Their glance shifts to their companion, and it seems she’s not finished revealing her thoughts yet.

Still standing in the exact, root covered patch of ground they found her shackled to initially, the Gem wrings her fingers together, vulnerability streaked across her features as clear as the metaphorical heart on her sleeve. (Metaphoric because actually, she keeps it on her chest.) She presses her lips together, letting them make a _pop_ a few times to fill the dead space. It’s clear she’s choosing her words carefully. Watching close for every slight shift in their reaction.

“So I- I hope it’s okay that I’ve mostly been quiet. It’s okay, right? You’re not upset? O-or disappointed, or-?”

Stevonnie regards them with a melancholy smile, unable to bury the depth of the pain they feel for her plight. Thanks to Steven’s empathetic abilities, they can literally sense her distress as clear as if it’s tainting the very air. But right now their friend doesn’t need to know that.

Right now, what she needs is reassurance.

”Nah, of course not. I understand not wanting to talk much. Talking can be super tiring. ‘M honestly...” They yawn. “Kinda tired, myself.”

Spinel tilts her head. “Tired?”

“Yup, I probably gotta get some sleep soon.”

_“Sleep?_ Is that some sorta game too?”

“Oh yeah, I always forget that Gems don’t need that,” they say under their breath, stashing the length of rope away in the backpack’s front pocket. “It’s— ah geeze, how to explain— it’s when you get all comfy, and close your eyes, and don’t speak or think, and sorta... let your mind drift away.”

“So there _is_ a name for it...” she says in quiet awe. “Huh. I guess I’ve been playing ‘sleep’ a whole lot, lately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;w;


	8. Gemstone

It seems all Spinel needed to begin to speak up on her own was a little courage and time to warm up to their presence, and now that she’s pushed past that initial barrier the questions flow without restraint.

Their companion tilts her head, thin tufts of flyaway hair that fray from the edges of her heart shaped buns shifting as she does, and squints. “What sort of Gem is a ‘Stevonnie,’ anyways?” she asks, gesturing towards the pinkish-red gemstone positioned at the center of their belly. “I ain’t ever heard of such a cut, and we Spinels are s’pposed to know most everything! Hah, can’t have comedy without knowledge, of course!”

“Huh?” they murmur, snapping to attention. In their exhaustion, they must have come close to dozing off.

Spinel purses her lips impatiently. _“Gem.” _

In an instant she stretches out her arm like it’s a length of salt water taffy to cross the blank space between them, startling them in the unexpected shock of it. Lightly, she jabs her gloved pointer finger at their stomach.

“What is it?”

Stevonnie’s eye twitches, cataloguing the sight of Spinel’s (admittedly impressive) extreme shapeshifting ability away for later.

“Oh, y’mean my gem type? It’s... actually a Rose Quartz,” they explain with a measure of hesitation. “Stevonnie’s just the name I go by.”

Her expression scrunches in blank confusion. “Why wouldn’t you just be called what you are like everyone else?”

They pause, genuinely considering how best to answer this question for a Homeworld Gem who (as of yet) hasn’t claimed her own individuality. The thought of going by his gem type instead of his birth name is definitely something Steven’s contemplated on the rare occasion... on long, restless nights stuck wandering alongside his own dour thoughts. It’s an emotionally charged scenario to be sure, when it comes to his— and by extension, their— complex relationship with the Gem who gave up her form to create them. But right now, in this precise moment, they’re not Steven at all, are they? So forget what he’d think about all this. How would they answer? What’s most important to _them_ about their identity? Humming, they perch their hand against their chin.

“Because... it’s _not_ who I am, not really. Just a small piece of it. Who I am is what I choose, what I experience. That’s true for everyone in every moment, in my book! And in this moment, I’m choosing to be Stevonnie.”

Spinel gawks at them completely wall-eyed, mouth agape. _“Wowie...”_ they breathe in thinly veiled awe. “That sure is the deepest thought I’ve ever heard!”

They run their restless fingers through the base of their hair at their neck. “Uh- thanks?“

Mind sparking with fresh info to mull over, they avert their head for a moment to think in private. Hmm. Well, that interaction didn’t go as poorly as they feared it might. That being said, the topic of Rose and Pink and any obligations they may hold therein is something they absolutely want more than one voice weighing in on. Perhaps it’s time to do some meditation. They sit up straight, positioning their hands the way Garnet showed them, months ago.

Stevonnie closes their eyes, steadily breathes in and out, and willfully lets their sense of self fade into the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a thought...
> 
> -
> 
> Big, big thank you once more! I'm simply flabbergasted at the warm reception this story's gotten. The last chapter saw this story soar over 600 kudos and 7,000 hits, and... holy heck. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. 
> 
> The next 5 chapters are all at various points of near-completion, so with any luck I'll have more to share soon! There will be at least 13 more chapters, at minimum. I've been surprising myself with scene ideas at every corner though, so that will most likely increase. I already know exactly what the last words of this story will be, but there's still sooo much that could be told in the middle, gahh! XD


	9. Mindfulness

_On a frosted blue plane of subconscious thought somewhere deep within their psyche, Stevonnie’s components sit side by side. _

_Steven hugs his knees tight to his chest, rocking back and forth ever so slightly in an attempt to expend the excess nervous energy jittering through his bones._

_“Gee, I gotta say I’m surprised she didn’t react more about... well, y’know... about Rose Quartz and all,” he says with a slight laugh. “Everyone else tends to freak out about it, and like, try to kill me.”_

_Meanwhile, Connie hums thoughtfully, sitting with her legs crossed under her. She balls her hand at her chin as she considers the deeper implications of this quandary. “But that makes total sense, actually.”_

_He squints. For a split second he's genuinely not sure whether she’s referring to the fact that people want to kill him because they think he’s his mom or the fact that Spinel didn’t react negatively. He supposes that’s a bit silly though, since they’re currently fused and by all rights should have full access to each other’s thoughts, feelings, and memories. Duh, of course she means the later!_

_“Oh,” he breathes, suddenly hit with the same spark of logic that she’s just parsed out. “Ohhhh!”_

_“Right?" she enthuses, and it's almost as if she can tangibly sense the neurons connecting in his head. "Think about it. If she’s been waiting here for Pink Diamond for thousands and thousands of years and doesn’t even know she’s been shattered, then she doesn’t know to be angry at a Rose Quartz for doing that in the first place.”_

_“Wow... Connie, you’re a genius, you know?”_

_She flushes, glancing away bashfully. “Well, I can’t exactly claim _ _that,_ _ but...”_

_“Sure ya’ can, if it’s the truth!”_

_“Oh, you flatterer, you.”_

_Sighing, Steven lays down flat on this metaphysical plane’s surface, briefly feigning content as he stares at the faint specks of light glittering like diamonds in their shared sky. Diamonds... It seems they can't avoid the reminder, as of late. His neutral expression slips into a frown. As he’s absentmindedly tracing the edges of his gem through his shirt, a subconscious habit he’s never quite been able to shake, he feels Connie lay down at his side. Her hair brushes against his ear. He smirks for a moment, giving a soft laugh at how it tickles before he shifts a smidgen away to give her more room, but then..._

_“No,” she says firmly._

_“What??” he cries, throwing his arms to the side. “Come on, I didn’t even say anything, how’d you—“_

_“We’re fused, Steven. Believe me, I know every surface thought that's running through your mind right now. Plus, you’ve got a terrible poker face,” Connie jokes, before her expression sobers again. She sighs,_ _ simultaneously understanding the churning burden of her best friend’s guilt and also the external reality that he has nothing to answer for in the first place. “You‘re considering telling Spinel that Rose Quartz, your mom, shattered her friend. Her Diamond. You’re fully prepared to take the fall for something you never did, because even though deep down you know you had nothing to do with your mom’s decisions, you still can’t help but act as if it’s your fault anyways.”_

_His cheeks grow beet red under the scrutiny of her deep-digging psychoanalysis._

_“Well— we can’t just... continue to lie to her, Connie!” he says, pointedly swerving the topic away from himself. “You know how I feel about lying.”_

_Her hand shifts to rest upon his forearm. He turns to look, and when he does he's met with her unending gaze, endless understanding woven through her soul's window._

_“Yes. Yes, I know. I know it hurts you. And I’m sorry for that. But would _ _not_ _ lying make anything better? Like, how would she react? What would she say? Would it hurt her instead... knowing the truth? That no matter what she does, her friend’s never coming back?”_

_The two of them inhale together, in sync with Stevonnie’s calm breathing. Steven closes his eyes as he considers this, focusing on— instead of the twinkling sky— the steady heartbeat of the girl lying next to him. It’s a reassuring sound. Connie does exactly the same, almost moved to tears simply by the reminder that even if they have no idea how to navigate any of this, they have each other._

_Steven slowly moves to intertwine his fingers with hers. “I guess... there’s no perfect solution to this, huh?”_

_“Believe me, I don’t like the thought of withholding the truth either. But I truly think this is one of those rare cases where the morality of it is subjective._”

_“Well, I still think we should tell her,” Steven states firmly. “She deserves to know she doesn’t have to wait anymore, even if it hurts at first. But maybe not right now. Not when we’re so sleepy. And I don’t wanna do something you’re not comfortable with, either. Ya’ wanna come back to this discussion later?”_

_“Yeah, sure! Rest would be best. Help us make the best decision, an’ all.” _

_“‘Kay! It’s a deal. Goodnight!”_

_“Sleep tight...”_

* * *

In a shriveled garden on a slice of hollowed moon, Stevonnie opens their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As clarification Stevonnie has only ended their meditation, they have not slept yet.
> 
> -
> 
> Okay, so this one got unexpectedly long, BUT! 
> 
> This chapter comes ft. my thoughts about fusion, and how the components interact within that. So a stable fusion would by and large settle into a singular mind, unique from their components. Notably, Stevonnie has grown more and more stable every time they've formed, as shown by their growing propensity to refer to themself in more singular terms instead of 'we.' In unstable fusions, the conflicting psyches of their components will start to rise to the surface again, resulting in it sometimes seeming like the fusion is conversing with two or more parts of themself. All of that is more or less canon, I think, but I still think it's interesting to specifically write it all out.
> 
> Now, for the headcanon part of this: If a fusion taps into a meditative state, they have the ability to allow their components to interact more directly while still maintaining the long-term stability of the fusion. It's all internal- Steven and Connie can't separately "drive" or anything, since Stevonnie existing is dependent on their wills matching up- but it's a good way for them to work through issues together or reflect upon stuff. This is kinda an extension of what Garnet taught them in Mindful Education, in my mind. 
> 
> Additionally, the wonderful Toasterwitch made some _stunning_ fanart for this story, and AAA oh my goodness, bless you so much! It's beautiful. You can find it [here,](https://toasterwitch.tumblr.com/post/188004714350/ill-wait-with-you-wanted-to-draw-a-scene-from) on her tumblr! Go give it some love! 
> 
> As a by the way, speaking of that, if anyone else ever has any art/thoughts/etc they'd like to share, please don't hesitate to send an ask or tag me, I'm always over the moon (hah) seeing stuff like that! My tumblr is [novantinuum.](https://novantinuum.tumblr.com)


	10. Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, at this point these aren't even drabbles anymore, they're just as long or as short as my brain decides them to be. XD

If there’s one thing Stevonnie thanks their lucky stars that Connie Maheswaran is an absolute pro at, it’s being prepared for the brutal punishments of nature. Strictly speaking, their current place of refuge is no jungle— all the foliage and fauna that might’ve made its home here once upon a time has long since crumbled into ash, decaying right alongside the ancient Gem ruins— but the point still stands. Who else would think to bring stuff like a grappling hook, or thermal blankets, or a spile, or fourteen days worth of dense protein meal bars that they could stretch out over a month’s time in a pinch? Certainly not Steven, the kid who once brought board games on a mission to the Great North.

Although now that they’re thinking about it, perhaps he’s got a fair amount of sense about him after all, ‘cause they’d do just about anything for like... a deck of cards right now. It’d be fun, or at least more fun than just awkwardly sitting here under the stars in a constant state of half-conversation. Perhaps they could play some solitaire... teach Spinel go fish. Something like that. Oh, if only.

Anything would be better than waiting.

_“Lars,_ where are you?” they whine to themself.

Stevonnie yawns, and begins to unfold the aforementioned thermal blanket from its compact packaging. It’s not too chilly inside the domed garden, thankfully, but they figure they’ll be able to catch a few winks better if they have something weighing them down. Now, for the last preparation. They need somewhere secluded to lay. Out of the corner of their eyes, they glance at their pink companion, knowing full well what would have to come next. They didn’t like the thought of leaving her alone, but it was unavoidable if they wanted to get an iota of rest. They're absolutely positive they can’t properly sleep with someone standing there watching the whole time. Ergo, they should probably seek some distance. Just for a few hours, just while they rest.

A good twenty feet away, the fusion finds exactly what they’re looking for. There’s a crumbling pillar tilted askew there, half of it having fallen and lodged into the dirt on its side. _Bingo! _they think with a grin. _An ancient ruins privacy curtain! _

Bundling the blanket in the crook of their arm, they rise to their feet to go check it out. But right as they’re about to take their first step towards the pillar, a hand wraps around their free arm with the force and elasticity of a lasso, holding them back. They stumble in place, heart skipping at the surprise. At the other end of the super-stretched arm, Spinel stands ever resolute in the middle of the clearing. The smile crossing her lips is obviously forced.

“Heyyy, friend!” she says in an overly chipper tone. “Buddy, palsy... Whatcha up to?”

“Uhhh—“ Sweat beads on their brow as they desperately grasp for any way to kindly explain this, because they have a fear where this conversation is going. “Finding a place to sleep?”

Hurt washes over her features. “You can’t do that here?”

“Well, you see, the thing is—“

“Y-you’re just gonna _leave_ me, here, alone?!” she cries, quivering panic jolting its way into every square inch of her hard light body.

“Whoa, whoa, no!” Stevonnie says, holding up their hands in defense. “No, of course I’m not! I have nowhere to go, remember? I’m waiting just like you!”

She flashes a wounded expression, eyes glistening. Slowly but surely however, she loosens her grip around their arm and retracts it back.

“Then... where are you going?”

“I’m... I’ll only be on the other side of this broken pillar, all right? I can’t sleep without a little space.”

Spinel rolls her eyes wide, the pupils subtlety bouncing as they return to rest. “Heh, a _little _space. Look all around you, you’ve got as much space a Gem’ll ever need! Eh? _Eh?”_

She stretches her arm out again to nudge their shoulder with their elbow. Mind in turmoil, Stevonnie doesn’t respond, doesn’t turn their head to even glance at her.

While normally they’d laugh at a dumb joke like that, the current circumstances have stretched their capacity to truly enjoy anything without worry thin. They sigh, trying not to dwell on the depressing reality of just how much this waiting game has emotionally scarred this Gem, or on the fear that they were... maybe, on some small scale... somehow contributing to that by uncovering old wounds.

“Stevonnie?” her sad little voice comes after a few seconds of deliberate silence. “Why aren’t you laughing at my joke?”

”I’m sorry, but—“ they press their hand to their temple, rubbing away at the growing stress— “I’m really tired, okay? I promise you, it’s not your fault, it’s just...” They yawn, sudden and unrestrained. “...been a very long day...”

“Didn’t feel very long to me,” she comments, tone low.

They look back on her with a glint of sympathy, voice soft as they continue. “We can talk until I fall asleep, how’s that? But once I’m asleep, I’ll be quiet and unable to hear you for a few hours.”

When they turn their back on her, the last thing they see is her heartbroken expression, lips pursed into a small pout, but she doesn’t drag out the conflict any further after that, so neither do they.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (EDITED FOR CLARITY SINCE POSTING)
> 
> Okay, so. A few meta notes on how I'm approaching character stuff here. 
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: This is _my personal take_ on Spinel, which is- as media tends to be- influenced by my personal experiences. If you happen to pull a different narrative out of her story, that's cool! You do you. But this is what I see.)
> 
> Canon Spinel may have a sympathetic backstory, but she's still got a bunch of abandonment and boundary issues to work out. Namely, in that she has a major tendency to be manipulative with those she calls her friends, demanding their constant attention at times. Even with the trauma she’s faced— _these behaviors are not okay._ She deserves happiness and healing, yes, but it still doesn't excuse that kinda stuff. Her clear abandonment issues explain her behavior but it does not absolve her for treating other people the way she did in the movie.
> 
> Fic Spinel hasn’t fully come to accept that she’s been abandoned yet, but I wrote this chapter to show that she’s already dipping into some of these tendencies just as a reaction to the trauma she’s experienced. These are things she will need to grow to overcome.
> 
> I would also like to say that Stevonnie has the right to want to put up whatever boundaries they need, and nothing will ever negate that right, wooo :D
> 
> -
> 
> In parting, I am humbled, blown away, and so, so thankful for all of your support. Stay golden <3


	11. Change

“What’s it like?” Spinel‘s voice comes from the other side of the pillar, after but a few minutes of quiet.  
  
“Hmm?”

Their eyes flutter open, body shifting under the thermal blanket upon the timely reminder of the cold stone supporting their limbs. For but a moment, as they were about to drift off, they imagined that they were flopped across the wooden floors of Steven’s house, or even stargazing on the boardwalk, but… No. No, of course not. The stars were never this stark and numerous back home. The space between was never this black.

“Out there... beyond the garden,” she clarifies softly. “I’m just wondering... if it’s moved, at all. Without me. After all, it’s been quite a while,” she says with a wry laugh. “I’m sure the diamonds have so many more colonies. And then there’s you- a Rose Quartz! Hah! I’ve never even heard of your type before this. Imagine that.”

“I, uh.” Stevonnie rubs their eyes as they yawn, their hands then shifting to rub away the ache in their jaw that’s probably a late aftereffect of the crash. “I don’t know much about what the diamonds are up to lately, but where I’m from things are always moving, actually.”

Faintly, they notice something prickly under their fingertips as they rub at their skin. Their features narrow in concentration. What is… Oh. The realization slams into them like the inevitable force of the ocean’s tides against weathering stone. _ Ohhhh! _ they marvel, taking rapturous note of the bristly texture. _ Holy— _is that stubble on their chin??

Just as quickly as they made their exciting discovery, Spinel’s voice returns in a rush of panic to carry them back down to Earth.

(Well, back to… this moon? Whatever it’s called. If… it actually has a name. Yeah. They’re definitely teetering on the edge of exhaustion right now. _ Gold star, Stevonnie, idiom wasted.) _

“Always moving?” the pink Gem says, every syllable laced with more nervous energy than the last. “Always? Truly?? H-how do you live with that? Doesn’t that ever make you feel, erm, you know… _ outmoded?” _

That last word is spoken in a shaky whisper, as if the very concept is something shameful to even think, let alone utter out loud for the entire galaxy above to hear, absolutely silent in its cosmic judgement.

“Not really,” they say, still transfixed by the super cool fact that they’re able to grow actual hair on their face. They smile, dropping their hand from their chin, and drink in the sight of the endless universe above them as they lay among the weathered stone of the garden. “Things change a whole bunch, yeah. And sometimes it hurts. But other times, change can be for the better, y’know? Sometimes what we’re used to has to end so we can start something new.”

“That sounds scary.”

“Sometimes, yes! Totally! But it’s honestly the most beautiful thing there is. There really is a bunch of incredible stuff out there, moving and growing. I can show you around if you want, when we leave.”

“Yeah,” she sighs. And even though it’s nearly imperceptible, notably— there’s a newfound flicker of hope struggling to stay alight in her tone. “When... we leave…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so how ‘bout that new intro, huh? :3
> 
> I’m really excited for what’s coming next, and am currently both intrigued and terrified by the prospects of WormTheory... (aka the theory in which Big Wormy Boy in the antagonist shot is corrupted!Steven.)
> 
> Anyways, until Steven Universe Future finally airs, I’ll be continuing to pass the time by churning away on this and my other fic projects as usual. Fingers crossed we don’t have to wait nine months for more official SU this time around.


	12. Bedtime Stories

“Stevonnie?”

They stir with a soft moan upon Spinel’s call, and— yearning for any pinch of warmth and comfort they can grasp— curl into fetal position under the thermal blanket. “Yeah…?”

“Are you still there?”

“Physically? Yeah. Mentally? I’m ‘bout ready to crash.”

_ “Crash?” _The gem sounds genuinely troubled by this notion, her voice pitching up. “Into what?”

“W-well, in this case it’s not strictly literal…” _And thank goodness for that, _they think, holding back a snort of amusement. “But into dreams, I guess one could say.” With much contemplation, they narrow their eyes. “Wait, you probably don’t know what dreams are, either. Aw, shoot. Uh—“

“Is it another sleep thing?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is. It’s kinda like, um, a story you watch in your mind. Kinda. It’s pretty complicated to explain, sorry. I could probably do a better job if I wasn't... half asleep,” they say, yawning their way clear through that last sentence.

“Oh! Oh, oh, wait, I know about stories! I used to tell Pink stories all the time!”

“You did, huh? What kinds of stories?”

“Oh, I’d talk about loads of things! Imaginary stories about distant colonies, ones about real Gem history, or past trips to the surface, or about the life of Her Radiance herself…”

_ Ah, okay, _ they think, slight disappointment flooding their synapses. _ So mostly Homeworld propaganda stuff. Should’ve expected that. _

Still, they can’t deny they’re curious to tap into Spinel’s knowledge about Gem society. See what she knows. Garnet and Pearl don’t share much about their past to Steven, so it could be educational.

(And, not to be rude, it also might distract the now talkative Gem enough to let them finally fall into the open arms of sleepy time land. Stars know they ache for it.)

“Could… you tell _ me _ one?” they ask.

A distance away, beyond the pillar, Spinel is entirely taken aback by their request.

“You—? Really?”

“Yeah, of course! It’ll be like a pre-dream.”

A few heartbeats of silence pass as they shift under the thermal blanket, waiting for a response.

“Well,” their Gem companion begins eventually, interspersed by nervous laughter, “it’s been quite a while, but I’ll try my bestest! Any requests?”

They purse their lips thoughtfully, gazing towards the portrait of the cosmos stretching infinitely above. “Hmm. What about… something about that moon in the sky?” they say, eyes locking on the stellar object in question, hanging above them like a silent sentinel. From this perspective, the hole bored through it almost looks like a heart.

“Oh, ya’ mean that little hunk of hollowed-out rock up there? Sure, I know plenty ‘bout it!”

Spinel takes a breath. Yawning with growing fatigue, Stevonnie takes a moment to get more comfy upon the ground, nestling their head upon their backpack. 

They close their eyes and listen in respectful silence as their friend begins her account.

“About seven thousand, eight hundred years ago it was one of Blue Diamond’s colonies, in the height of Homeworld’s expansion. Psarius V, they called it! Used to orbit a gigantic gas planet, all blue and green swirls... I never visited much, just once or twice with Pink, but... oh, it was so beautiful! So full of life! All the flowers and shrubs in the garden, they came from that moon’s surface. Before the colonization finished, of course.

“And then the garden? Blue built this as a gift to Pink! Y’see, they sliced the moon into fragments when they hollowed it out to make more Gems. All the hunks that weren’t useful to Homeworld were left behind. But Blue Diamond is so merciful and giving, and doesn’t like wasting a single scrap of resource if she doesn’t have to. So she found a way to _ make _ this hunk useful instead. And now it’s a place just for Pink and I, a place where we can play!”

The Gem gives a long, sad sigh, but to their ears it’s as if the sound of it is a world away.

“I love it here. I really do. I only wish… everything looked as beautiful as it once did.”

Their breathing slows to a quiet lull.

“And that there were more games to play…”

Spinel’s words dancing like the gentle brush of rose petals upon on their mind, Stevonnie finally drifts away into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spinel doesn't mention it, but I imagine the gas giant that used to be here was- over time- siphoned away as fuel by Homeworld as part of the colonization process. 
> 
> I'm back! Apologies for the hiatus. The next two drabbles are 70% done. (One of them has been half written since chapter two, muahahah!)


	13. Alone Forever

_ “Spinel?” _

_ “Hmm??” _

_ “How about we play a new game? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?" _

_ The little Gem gasps and lets go of their hands, her heart shaped buns bobbling up and down as she wiggles in her excitement. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! Anything for you!” _

_ Light shines upon their playmate’s gemstone amidst her celebration, various colors caught or scattered by its complex faceting. Warm pink, so different in hue from the lush, breathy greens of this garden. So different from the watery blues, or the bright yellows found within the flowers’ pollen. _

_ Swallowing back a shard of frustration, they drop to their knees before her. Glances down so as to meet her eyes. They feign a smile anyways.  _

_ “Here, I’ll show you how it’s done...” _

_ Spinel grins, wholly content in her purpose to play and serve as she waits for instruction on this game. _

_ “Stand very still... yes, perfect, just like that! Hands clasped in front of you. And don’t forget that lovely smile,” they say, reaching forward to tap her button nose with the tip of their gloved finger.  _

_ “Oh, this’ll be so much fun,” she enthuses, bouncing on her feet, “I can just feel it!” _

_ They place their hands on their knees and slowly push themself back to their full height, towering over the Gem.  _

_ “I’ll be back... soon. The game is simple, just stand here until I return, and if you’re still in place when I see you, you win!” _

_ She giggles, eyes glittering. “Pshhh, that’ll be so easy!” she says, gaily swinging her clasped hands back and forth. “I could stand here forever and ever without moving, there’s no way I’ll ever lose!” _

_ They laugh. It’s quiet, tinged with uneasiness at the edges. Their eyes stray from the other Gem’s, fixing instead upon one of the tiny organic creatures that was transferred along with the plants in this garden, the winged being fluttering aimlessly in the empty air above Spinel’s head. _

_ “Yes, you’ve gotten very good at our games, haven’t you?” Slowly, subtly, their fists close at their side. “Well, I’d best be off. I wouldn’t want to leave my new world waiting, of course.” _

_ “Have fun!” she chimes. She almost unfolds her hands to wave, but can’t quite bring herself to break the rules of the game. _

_ They turn on their heels, the warp pad’s platform looming in their view. Pink flats, each shoe adorned with a floating white ball as decoration, move forwards with each step. Their smile fades further and further from them as they climb the steps and reach the top… as they look behind one last time, seeing the spinel standing upright and alone in the central courtyard of their garden, so, so obedient. _

_ “Goodbye,” they whisper in a low voice, the words having a sense of irrefutable finality to them. _

_ The warp pad activates in a flash, enveloping them in a column of light and carrying them off. _

_ Moving to reach to their own gem— at their navel— they pull an item out. It’s flat, diamond shaped, and made of the most blemish-less crystal any of Gemkind could dream to provide. They quickly tap in their code, and press their fingertips against an icon on the screen. _

_ Inhaling slowly, they bring the communication device closer to their lips. _

_ “Yellow, Blue,” they say in a flat tone, just loud enough to eclipse the ambient ring of a trip through the warp stream. “I’m ready.” _

_ They catch a glimpse of their reflection in the shiny crystal, just for a split second, but a split second is all they need to see her. A tall, fluffy mane of light pink hair. Full lips. Pink rimmed diamond shaped pupils black as the dead of space. _

_ Caught amidst the hypnotizing throes of what they now realize must be a dream, Stevonnie stares into the heart of the looking glass, and Pink Diamond herself stares back. _

_ “I’m on my way to Earth.” _   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3
> 
> Ooof. Here we go. It was fun trying to adapt Spinel's distant memory of this event in her song into an actual scene- even if in this case it is all a dream.
> 
> In exciting news, there is now a full comic of chapter ten, drawn by the fabulous tumblr user keekee! [Go give this art some love!](https://keekee-art.tumblr.com/post/188396746653/this-is-from-the-fanfic-hollowed-moon-on-ao3-i) And thank you so much, keekee! It's absolutely beautiful.


	14. Precipice

Stevonnie wakes up swinging.

No amount of attempted self restraint can quell their shriek of alarm. They thrash wildly under the cover of their blanket, kicking it off in mere seconds. Inside their chest, their heart hammers like Garnet’s gauntlets against stone. Th-the… whatever it is they just witnessed, they…

Those eyes… stars, the _intensity_ of those eyes! 

_Pink rimmed, inky black diamond pupils…_

_“Have fun!” Spinel chimes with an unwitting smile stitched upon her face, watching that twisted matriarch of Homeworld walk away forever._

The fusion clamps their hands tight to their head, feeling close to drowning under the weight of these unwanted flashbacks.

“Steven, what was that!?” they cry out.

“Diamond dreams,” they breathe in response, sensing their components growing distinct within their psyche again, Steven and Connie’s dissonant thoughts jumbling around freely alongside their own. “I’m having _diamond_ dreams again!”

They suddenly feel faint, overstrung, like a length of taffy being pulled into two. The gem at their navel faintly glows. Riding the wave of instability, they grit their teeth.

_Please, not now, not this, I don’t want to come apart, I’m not ready, I’m not—_

“Hey, are you falling into pieces over there?” a concerned voice calls from the other side of the broken pillar. “Don’t worry, your dear ol’ friend Spinel is here to hold you together!”

Accompanied by peels of youthful laughter, (probably the most laughter they’ve heard out of her yet), a pair of arms stretch up and over the ruins with the flexibility of a water hose, and wrap around their midsection three times in seconds flat. It’s enough of a startle to knock them out of their headspace and back into reality.

The choppy waters of memory recede. Slowly but surely they begin to regain their balance, feeling the dependable foundation blocks of their existence— Steven and Connie’s fathomless love and trust for one another— slot neatly back into place. Indomitable, they are. Even by nightmares. They heave a sigh of sheer relief. Or at least, as deep a sigh as they can muster while tied up in the embrace of their stretchy armed friend. 

Still working to ease the tempo of their frantic breath, practically panting, they pat softly at Spinel’s arms. It’s a signal for her to let go, one that she surprisingly takes with grace. Who knows? Perhaps she can kinda sense the fraught mood.

Stevonnie follows her retracting arms around the edge of the garden ruins, returning to that central clearing where Spinel stands upright and erect, her feet imprisoned by the very wildlife she once adored with all her existence. The pink Gem’s eyes meet with theirs.

“Stevonnie?” she asks, desperately clinging to this chipper attitude even in the sight of their clear distress. “What’s wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gap in updating. The last few months have sadly been incredibly hard for me. No spoilers for Little Graduation/Prickly Pair in the comments please, I haven’t seen them yet!
> 
> Next chapter Spinel will finally get some difficult answers. As always, thank you so much for your support! Happy New Years to everyone! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve lost interest in this story and- unless a weird miracle of inspiration happens- will not be continuing it. I’d rather focus on a small handful of my other Steven Universe WIPs instead of spreading myself so thin. Thank you so much for everyone’s support on what I did get to post on this! <3


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